"Abandoned" May 2018
This was the first photo I shot for this series and it's probably my favorite. Anxiety brings all of my biggest fears to the forefront of my mind. Much like the negative thoughts, my fears are replayed in my mind over and over again. Abandonment is a fear I've carried with me since childhood. I'm not really sure why, but this fear that I'm going to be left behind or forgotten has always stuck with me.
One of the biggest lies that anxiety led me to believe is that I was alone. As a teenager I believed this lie and although it's slowly being silenced it's still something I carry around. I felt that I was so unworthy of love that I found it hard to understand why anyone would want to be around me. Because of this I rarely let anyone in and if I did I was terrified of losing them.
Looking back I know how wrong I was. There were so many people I could have talked to about what I was feeling. Anxiety does a really good job at making you feel alone. Since opening up my anxiety it's brought me closer to those around me and helped me see that there are so many others going through the same thing.
“Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat.
Shadows will scream that I'm alone.”
- Twenty One Pilots